


i can't sleep

by Peachpancake



Series: Captain Chan [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bang Chan deserves the world, Chan has insomnia, Chan is hurting, Cuddles, Gen, Insomnia, It could be read as platonic but I imagine that they like each other, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, M/M, Minho is only mentioned, Supportive Woojin, also i love all of stray kids but theyre not really in this, but chan needs professional help, chan is just really not at a good place in this one, however this is NOT romanticized, i love woochan, idk what else to say, lots of problems building up, the point is chan just needed someone, who he can trust, woochan - Freeform, woojin is a sweetheart, woojin is supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 08:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15945563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachpancake/pseuds/Peachpancake
Summary: Even though his eyelids are half closed already, carrying the weight of his team’s success, he could not go to sleep. There are several reasons as to why and Chan likes to blame it on the fact that he has to finish this song by the end of the week no matter what and he absolutely cannot hand in something half-assed so he can ignore that even without the pressure of being a good leader, even when he would just say fuck it, and lie down on the sofa close to him, let his eyes close and give in to the exhaustion that has been haunting him -No, he’s ignoring that part of him, just like he’s ignoring the fact that ignoring his problems won’t solve them.aka, Chan has insomnia and he just needs someone to tell him that it's okay.





	i can't sleep

**Author's Note:**

> One of my first Stray Kids fanfiction, because these babies have earned my respect. Oh and btw this has been written at the middle of the night without being double checked or betad, so im really sorry for any mistakes xx

Chan presses the earphones further into his ears, as if becoming one with the device he can’t live without would somehow give him the answers as to why the song sounds so wrong. Even though his eyelids are half closed already, carrying the weight of his team’s success, he could not go to sleep. There are several reasons as to why and Chan likes to blame it on the fact that he _has_ to finish this song by the end of the week no matter what and he absolutely _cannot_ hand in something half-assed so he can ignore that even without the pressure of being a good leader, even when he would just say _fuck it,_ and lie down on the sofa close to him, let his eyes close and give in to the exhaustion that has been haunting him -

 

No, he’s ignoring that part of him, just like he’s ignoring the fact that ignoring his problems won’t solve them.

 

He listens to the song over and over on repeat, and each time, somehow the song sounds even worse. He tries not to be angry at himself, but it’s hard not to when he knows that by now, he should be good at this. He’s been doing this for what feels like forever, years and years of crouching in front of the computer, sunbathing in the light of the screen, which only seems to make him paler. He’s trying _so hard_ , so why is it that each time he sits down, the only thing he achieves is getting more tired?

 

It’s 4 am. He only glances at the clock for a millisecond to then look back at his computer, his eyes not even processing the information as he glares at the screen. He knows, deep inside, _he knows_ that he’s not going to get anymore done if he stays there, but he doesn’t dare leave the studio. Doesn’t dare going back to the dorm, sneaking into his bedroom and hiding under the duvet because he is more terrified of the thought of that than anything else. He doesn’t want to go back home just to realise that it doesn’t change a thing.

 

Chan still stands up though, after what seemed like hours. He wants to say it’s because he’s facing his fears, but it’s more that he can’t bear to listen another second of that song. Going home wasn’t an option either, so he decides to go for a walk. He hopes that by the time he comes back, the problems he ignored will magically solve themselves.

  


He gets back to the dorm at around half past five. He doesn’t know exactly when, because everything seems foggy at that time of the day. He doesn’t think it matters anyway.

 

Someone does however.

 

“Chan.”

 

Chan looks up, his greasy hair covering his eyes that would look guilty if it wouldn’t be already so full of exhaustion. Woojin stands in the kitchen, his hand holding a glass of water which he leaves on the counter as he walks closer to him. He seems a bit disappointed which sends Chan down on another route of self hatred that he walked a couple hundred times already. He’s waiting for the scolding from the oldest as he approaches him but his voice is gentle when he speaks.

 

“Chan, let’s get you to bed, okay?”

 

Chan doesn’t nod, but he doesn’t shake his head either. He suddenly wants to cry - he doesn’t know why exactly, but he forces his eyes to stay open, and his tears to not fall.

 

Woojin walks him to their room, careful not to wake Minho up as he sits Chan down, takes his shoes off and then gets into the bed with him. Chan is quiet, because he’s afraid if he speaks, it’s over. He can’t talk because if he does, his problems become real, and Woojin already have things to deal with - _they all do_ \- and he’s not doing his job as a leader, he’s failing his team and he failed them so many times already -

 

“Lie down with me.”

 

Chan does so. He turns to look at Woojin who is not disappointed anymore, but worried, which is even worse. Yet Chan doesn’t close his eyes because if he does, he has to face the fact that he won’t sleep. That he can’t. So he looks at Woojin, and Woojin looks back at him.

 

“Chan,” Woojin pauses, takes a deep breath, and continues. “you can talk to me.” He offers a weak smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, not like it usually does, and it makes Chan more fidgety than when he lies in his bed awake for hours. Woojin moves closer, touching his shoulder. “I know.”

 

“What?” Chan’s voice is raspy and squeaky even when he whispers and he cringes at his own voice.

 

“I know you have trouble sleeping.”

 

Suddenly it feels like he’s drowning, like the waves that he only saw in the distance suddenly washed over him, pulling him underwater. His heartbeat speeds up as he leans back, but Woojin grabs his arms and pulls him closer, enveloping him in a hug.

 

“It’s okay, Chan. It’s okay.”

 

It is not okay. Chan isn’t an idiot, he knows Woojin was only just trying to calm him down, but - for some strange reason - it works. As the older holds him, Chan realises that he’s shaking and that his cheeks are wet, and he should feel embarrassed but right now he just wants to be comforted and Woojin is doing just that.

 

He’s been holding this in for _so_ long, and it’s been _killing_ him. Over the several years he had not once talked about it to anyone. And now Woojin knows.

 

His tears aren’t stopping. He’s sobbing now, one of those heartwrenching, silent sobs that he does when he feels like it’s too much after a long day of dance practice and producing and he cannot get to sleep but he cannot wake anyone up. He’s so used to crying silently that even when it _hurts_ so much he knows he won’t make a sound. But it feels different this time.

 

Woojin’s holding him.

 

He’s holding him and he’s whispering into his ears, telling him that _it’s okay, just let it out, it’s okay, Chan,_ and Chan feels like for the first time he’s not someone who has to keep up the pretense but he’s a human. He’s allowed to break down and he’s allowed to be scared and allowed to have problems. He feels like he’s been drowning for so long and finally he took that first breath of air and it hurts and it’s so, _so_ hard to continue breathing but Woojin’s there and he’s going to help him through this, because -

 

He isn’t alone.

 

“It’s okay.” Woojin’s eyes are teary when Chan looks up, but he smiles at him, and it reaches his eyes this time. “We’re going to get through this. We can talk about this in the morning, okay?” He pulls Chan closer to him and Chan feels like he’s melting. “We’ll help you. You’re not alone.”

 

Chan tries to pull him closer, his weak limbs tangling into Woojins. He lets out a shaky sigh, his tears still flowing from his eyes but he feels so much lighter, like he can finally swim again. As he closes his eyes, he makes sure that his whisper is loud enough for Woojin to hear.

 

“Thank you.”


End file.
